Release date:
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December 4, 2015
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Director:
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Vishal Pandya
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Cast:
Language:
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Sharman Joshi,
Zareen Khan, Karan Singh Grover, Daisy Shah, Priyanshu Chatterjee
Hindi
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In a week that has brought
to Indian theatres the film Angry Indian Goddesses with every swear word uttered by its characters muted out on the
orders of the Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC), there also comes Hate Story 3. Not only do people in this
film use the F-word and its variants seven times (I counted) – “fucking idiot”,
“who the fuck are you?”, “I’m not a fucking coward” etc – without being muted
or beeped out, they simulate sex repeatedly and do a bad job of it.
Truth be told, Hate Story 3 might help you finally understand
a phrase often used by religious
fanatics and self-appointed guardians of “Bharatiya
sanskriti”. Because the bad sex, poor production values and awful acting in
the film have truly “hurt my (quality-loving) sentiments”.
The Hate Story series has featured
three basic ingredients in each film: a revenge story + sex scenes set to long,
very long songs + tackiness. This one is no different.
Aditya Diwan (Sharman Joshi) is a wealthy Mumbai-based
industrialist married to a woman in revealing outfits called Siya (Zareen Khan,
she who made her debut with Salman Khan in Veer).
One day Aditya receives an indecent proposal from fellow m/billionaire Saurav Singhania (TV’s Karan Singh Grover), as he surveys
the world on a laughably obvious digitally created terrace of a
high-rise building. The proposal is this: I’ll give you as much money as you
want if you will give me ek raat (one
night) with your wife.
Imagine going downhill
from Veer, a film that even Salman
acknowledges was lousy. That’s Zareen’s fate in Bollywood, though it’s hard to
sympathise with her as you suffer her sorry attempts at acting.
So anyway, back to the
story…
A furious Aditya storms
off, only to discover that Saurav is determined to destroy his business empire
unless he gets that ek raat.
Siya, genius that she
is, points out that there has to be more to Saurav’s demand than meets the eye,
and we can’t help but agree since she is so dull, dull, dull that it’s
impossible to believe a hottie like Saurav would go to such lengths to get her
into bed, even though she is in possession of goraapan, that milky white skin that Indian men so desire.
For the record, Saurav’s
hotness is limited to his prettiness and the ripped muscles of his torso. The
muscles on his face are a different cup of weak tea altogether – they seem
incapable of motion.
In this race for the
year’s Worst Actor trophy, there enters another strong contender: Daisy Shah,
she who made her Bollywood debut opposite Salman Khan (good lord, where does he
find ’em?) in last year’s Jai Ho. Daisy
plays the large and buxom Kaya Sharma, loyal
lieutenant to Aditya. Kaya is the kind of female Indian corporate bigwig you
find only in commercial cinema: prone to wearing very very tight skirts to
office meetings and microscopically tiny outfits to business meetings, with
layers and layers of thick makeup on her face.
Aditya,
Sia and Kaya hatch a plot to discover Saurav’s motivations, which the director
then weaves around the film’s bad sex scenes.
It’s better
to watch pornography than such theatrical fake sex featuring actresses in leopard-spotted
lingerie, who sing while wrapping their long legs around their male partners or
mount the man’s crotch and appear to be orgasming but never seem to take off
their bras (because that – i.e. bra
removal – is unacceptable to our CBFC).
In the
midst of all this stands that oasis called Sharman Joshi, proof of how tough
this film industry can be even if you are sweet-looking, likeable and a good actor.
Sharman, perhaps you owe us nothing, but the next time you are considering a
film like this one, do spare a thought for those of us who still believe in you?
Please?
Hate Story 1 at least did its sex
better, even if its weak leading lady did not possess the panache required for
the bombastic lines given to her. Hate Story 2 at least had some interesting moments involving actor Sushant Singh
as the villain and a believable, rebellious twist in the end involving an
important female character.
Both were
terrible films but at least they were not absolute zeroes. Hate Story 3 adds up to zilch.
If there
is anything I’ve said so far that might for a moment suggest that this film has
ANY redeeming factors, let me say it loud and clear here: it does not.
Unless of
course you want to have some laughs at songs with lyrics that go thus:
Give me give me give me love and
give me more
Thoda sa mujhse love le bhi aao
My lover gave you dounce and I
feelin’ low
Again and again and again
What’s danger, what danger, what
danger
Take me down, down, down, down
What danger, what danger, what
danger
Take me down, down, down, down
Take me down, down, down, down
Take me down, down, down, down
Aaj dikhade mujhe love karke
Oh baby, baahon mein bharke
Oh, jo bhi socha sapnon mein
Woh aaj dikhade mujhe sab karke (to be sung twice).
I rewatched the video of this
song, Tu isaq mera, online because I thought
perhaps I had misheard the lyrics in the hall. I then visited lyrics.com and
found that they had heard pretty much what I did.
I’m not sure what “dounce” means,
but “this filmmaker gave us dounce and I feelin’ low” kind of sounds like an
apt description of my emotions towards this film.
CBFC Rating (India):
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A
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Running time:
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132 minutes
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This review has also been published on
firstpost:
The irony of our society is such films go and do tremendous business at the box office.
ReplyDeleteAnkit Nahar