REVIEW 192: HUM HAI RAAHI CAR KE

Release date:	May 24, 2013
Director:	Jyotin Goel
Cast: Language:	Adah Sharma, Dev Goel, Rati Agnihotri, Chunkey Pandey, Sanjay Dutt, Juhi Chawla, Anupam Kher Hindi

How poorly thought out this film is should be clear to you from the fact that the poster has the words “introducing Dev Goel” planted right on the actor’s crotch. Sorry if that sounds mean but having sacrificed over two hours of my life on the nothingness that is Hum Hai Raahi Car Ke (HHRCK), I think I’m entitled to my anger.

The things people do for love! They kill, they kill themselves, they kill reputations. And this week a man risked destroying his father’s legacy by launching a son in Bollywood. The most saddening discovery I’ve made about HHRCK is that the talentless lead actor Dev Goel is the grandson of Devendra Goel who made the Sadhana-Balraj-Sahni-Sanjay-Khan-starrer Ek Phool Do Maali, the Meena Kumari-Rajendra-Kumar-Honey-Irani-starrer Chirag Kahan Roshni Kahan and other notable hits from the 1950s-70s. HHRCK is directed by Devendra Goel’s son Jyotin Goel who too has made a few films in the past couple of decades. This one is his launch vehicle for his son Dev.

That HHRCK is bad is an under-statement. That Dev can’t act is another. Fear not, Daddy still makes sure the beta is pretty much in every frame in the film, even giving him an opportunity to take off his shirt in one scene, dance elsewhere and emerge from a helicopter in full Shah Rukh Khan-K3G style in the finale! If you want to know how tough it is for an outsider without godparents to survive in Bollywood, watch pretty Adah Sharma – yes, she who we’ve already seen in Vikram Bhatt’s 1920 – inflict upon herself the role of this film’s heroine for which she has to actually kiss this boy!!!

Dev and Adah play childhood friends Shammi Suri and Priyanka Lalwani, he a computer genius, she a call centre employee. The two go on a road trip from Mumbai to Pune during the course of which they have a series of misadventures that begin with a man in gorilla costume urinating in a forest. Never mind how the film ends or how it gets there. Let me say it again: Dev Goel can’t act. He covers up his inadequacies with over-acting and a swagger. Even the appearance of big names like Sanjay Dutt (playing a cop called Karan Karate) and Juhi Chawla (as a doctor who speaks in sign language to facilitate her incessant paan chewing) can do nothing to redeem this irredeemable film. For the record, Juhi manages to look incredibly pretty in HHRCK despite the poor lighting.

If you are the sort who always wants to see your glass as half full, then here’s the only reason I could find for you in this boring film… Why on earth, you ask, would Sanju and Juhi associate themselves with this embarrassingly pathetic venture? Answer: As a friendly gesture because they’ve worked with Jyotin Goel in the past. Sniff sniff! There is still some goodness left in this world. Getting emotional over that nugget of information is the only way to survive Hum Hai Raahi Car Ke with its gemological offerings such as these… When Karan Karate sees an unconscious man in the backseat of a car, with both hands firmly cupping his testicles, he says, “Bird in hand is worth two in bush?” Apparently that’s funny. The villain of the film tells the lead pair that he bought a pair of Jimmy Choos for Rs 1 lakh a shoe, to which Shammi responds with all the confidence that comes from an actor who is convinced that he’s delivering a killer dialogue: “Ek lakh ek joote ka? Lagta hai Jimmy tujhe poora choo bana gaya.” Apparently that too is funny.

This isn’t even one of those films that’s so bad, it’s good. That honour must go to such treasures as Tum Hi To Ho, Chargesheet, Tension Doooor and Chitkabrey Shades of Grey that we’ve faithfully tracked on this blog. Hum Hai Raahi Car Ke is just plain, hellishly, sleep-inducingly dull.

Rating (out of five): -10 stars

CBFC Rating (India):	U/A
Running time:	130 minutes

Photograph courtesy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hum_Hai_Raahi_Car_Ke  

This trailer makes Hum Hai Raahi Car Ke look far more tolerable than it actually is: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYLSOn_7J4w

REVIEW 147: KYAA SUPER KOOL HAIN HUM

Release date:	July 27, 2012
Director:	Sachin Yardi
Cast: Language:	Riteish Deshmukh, Tusshar Kapoor, Sarah Jane Dias, Neha Sharma, Anupam Kher, Chunkey Pandey Hindi

I was scared after watching Kyaa Super Kool Hain Hum. No seriously, I’m not trying to take an indirect swipe at the quality of its humour. I genuinely mean I was slightly scared after watching a late show of this film at a supposedly upmarket multiplex in the city, in a hall filled mostly with all-male groups of buddies sprinkled with just a handful of couples. Those guys had obviously pre-judged the film quite accurately from its trailer, and went off into peals of laughter at every single ‘joke’ about semen, gay men, lesbian women, menstruation, humping dogs, breasts, rape, masturbation, anal sex, anuses, penises, vaginas, fellatio and Hindi words with opening syllables that sound similar to the English word “macho”, apart from children with progeria, dark-skinned people, short people, Africans, stammering, etc etc.

With all its crudeness, I could still have enjoyed Kyaa Super Kool Hain Hum if it had been funny. But here’s the only funny part of this story … it’s not. The film reminded me of my junior school days when kids would giggle at the very mention of “sex”, and when the use of words such as “coming” and “period” was enough to elevate any anecdote to the status of a joke. Worse, after the first quarter of an hour of this film, I could see most of those ‘jokes’ coming from a mile away. Oh wait, I just wrote the word “coming” … So witty, na?

Clearly the makers of Kyaa Super Kool Hain Hum revel in negative reviews as you can see from their film’s poster. So let me make it clear, my dear reader, I’ve enjoyed my share of bawdy and loud humour on occasion. In spite of their noise levels, I actually had fun through Bol Bachchan and Rowdy Rathore. Though Desi Boyz often defied logic, I had a good time watching it. I’m not at all embarrassed to admit that I died of laughter seeing the Hollywood film Hangover and even the prequel to the film we’re discussing right now. Yes, 2005’s Kyaa Kool Hai Hum was homophobic, shrill and low brow, but it was funny because it knew how to be cheap in a clever way. Kyaa Super Kool Hain Hum, however, is not even trying. Apparently mentioning the name “Ektaa” in a film produced by Ektaa Kapoor constitutes a gag. It seems to be becoming mandatory to throw Marathi dialogues into every film starring Riteish Deshmukh; apparently that too is hilarious. Apparently relevance to context is irrelevant, which can be the only explanation for why each time Tusshar Kapoor’s character spots director Rohit Shetty (playing himself) in this film, he starts mimicking the speech defect of the character he played in Shetty’s Golmaal series. The writing is so flat that I suspect a pre-pubescent child could do better.

I got so bored after the first 15 minutes of Kyaa Super Kool Hain Hum, that I actually counted the number of times I laughed through its 137 minutes: the final tally is eight times. That’s mostly because Riteish – one of Bollywood’s finest comedians – is capable of wrenching some comedy even out of the most godforsaken script. I wish he would give his own talent the respect it deserves, by staying away from films like this one. Riteish and Tusshar share a comfortable chemistry with each other. The girls playing their girlfriends are the other bright spot in this otherwise dreary film. Sarah Jane Dias and Neha Sharma are both easy on the eye and easy in front of the camera. The songs aren’t particularly tuneful (the exception being the UP Bihar lootne remix), but the cast throw themselves into each number with energy and verve, which marginally compensates for the fact that those numbers pop up out of the blue, with little connection to what comes before or after.

What’s the story, did I hear you ask? Oh sorry, I forgot, it doesn’t have one! Now dreading the possibility of Kyaa Uber Kool Hain Hum!

Rating (out of five): *

CBFC Rating (India):	A
Running time:	137 minutes

Photograph courtesy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyaa_Super_Kool_Hain_Hum