Sunday, August 4, 2013


Release date:
August 2, 2013
Amrit Sagar Chopra


Akash Chopra, Tahira Kochhar, Arshad Warsi, Riya Sen, Anuradha Patel, Raj Babbar, Tinnu Anand, Shakti Kapoor, Himani Shivpuri, Sushmita Mukherjee
Rabba Main Kya Karoon follows Hindi cinema’s long-standing tradition of finding mirth in male marital infidelity. When women cheat it merits a grim social treatise from this industry, when men cheat it becomes a source of humour. No Entry, Shaadi No. 1, Do Knot Disturb and most recently, Thank Youcomedies revolving around philandering husbands and boyfriends are a dime a dozen in Bollywood.

Like them, RMKK too is a cliché. To make matters worse, it’s lackadaisically acted, poorly edited, unimaginatively directed and stars two uncharismatic actors in the lead. The film serves as a launchpad for the hero Akash Chopra, brother to the director Amrit Sagar Chopra. Amrit and Akash are the grandsons of Ramanand Sagar who is best known for the pioneering Hindi television series Ramayan. Not surprisingly then, every effort is made to tomtom Akash’s limited talents. He takes off his shirt in his very first scene to display a slim – though not at all stirring – torso, I suppose to announce the arrival of the next generation of competition to John Abraham and Hrithik Roshan. He also dances around with a group of bikini-clad gori mems, gets a former Miss India finalist to play his heroine while a bombshell in minimal clothing lusts after him.

The story in a nutshell is this: just days before his marriage, Sahil (Akash) is told by his cousin Shravan (Arshad Warsi) that for a happy married life he must cheat on his wife. Shravan then tries to get Sahil into bed with another woman even before the pheras. In the background, the groom’s Maama (Paresh Rawal) sleeps around and convinces his unsuspecting wife (Sushmita Mukherjee) that she’s mentally ill. Apparently that’s funny. Another uncle (Tinnu Anand) has spent a lifetime in search of a bra. Never mind why … yawn! And a third uncle (Shakti Kapoor) lands his paws on every woman in sight. Akash has an impactless but not insufferable presence (samples of insufferability can be found in Hum Hai Raahi Car Ke and Ramaiya Vastavaiya that both launched film family heirs earlier this year). But imagine as a viewer of RMKK having to sit through a song-and-dance number in which one of the leads is a blonde Shakti Kapoor in a silver blue suit. Ugh! Imagine a scene in which Tinnu Anand is supposed to be a pehelwan and special effects have been used to laughable effect to place his head on the shirtless body of a real-life pehelwan.

I wanted to drown in a pool of my own tears as I watched Arshad Warsi – one of the best actors in present-day Bollywood – starring in this sub-par film right after giving us the sweetly realistic and genuinely entertaining Jolly LLB. RMKK doesn’t merit a serious review so I thought I’d give you an idea of the quality of humour in this film by quoting here the lyrics of a song titled Tu khulla saand ban jaa featuring our hero:

Jholi sharaafat wali khoonti pe taang de
Chooza ban kar ke miliya murge ki baang de
Husn ka mela hai
Duniya tabela hai
Control chhad koyi kaand kar jaa

Tu khulla saand ban jaa, haaye
Tu khulla saand ban jaa
Tu khulla saand ban jaa, haaye
Tu khulla saand ban jaa

Para para para para paraam
Mardon ki aankhein hoti hain camera
Mauka dekh ke zoom badha
Apne black and white usuloon pe
Naye zamaane ke rang chadha
Kaliyon ke garden mein tu
Bhanwara akela hai
Baaki tu khud understand kar jaa
Tu khulla saand ban jaa, haaye
Tu khulla saand ban jaa

Character ki saarangi chhod
Rangraleeyon ka guitar baja

Tu khulla saand ban jaa
Para para para para paraa
Character ki saarangi chhod
Rangraleeyon ka guitar bajaa ha
Rule ki fixed deposit todd ke
Jism ka tu udhaar chuka
Jumbo jet kudiyan hai
Tu pilot ka chela hai
Ayyashi ke one way pe land kar jaa
Tu khulla saand ban jaa, haaye
Tu khulla saand ban jaa.

Those of you not proficient in Hindi should know that “Tu khulla saand ban jaa” translates into a piece of black-and-white advice to men to stop disguising their hormones and reveal themselves as raging bulls instead. Saand = bull. And yes, “bull” has precisely the same sexual connotations in Hindi as in English. Now you know.

Rating (out of five): 0 stars

CBFC Rating (India):
Running time:
118 minutes & 52 seconds, and every second counts
Tu khulla saand ban jaa video:


  1. So let's get started. With the coitus of the problem - Shaadi. Well, this is a Big Fat Indian Wedding (for the umpteenth time). Oh yes, it's Punjabi too (surprise, surprise!) - With a battalion of baraatis, desi girls, daru and dancing aplenty. While the mummyjis and maamijis (high-voltage at all times) are busy with mehmaans and make-up, the hubbies are making-out with hot young things. In the 'genes', huh? The groom, Saahil (Akash), can't wait to marry his childhood sweetheart Sneha (Tahira), until big-bro Shravan (Arshad) walks into the celebration. He feeds straight-laced Saahil with his well-practiced adulterous philosophy - 'All men are dogs. Cheating is in the hormones!' These noble thoughts all inspired by Maharishi Tharkacharya (Hai Rabba!) He tempts the boy to loosen up (read: pants), indulge and revel in his brief bachelorhood. Well, you can't blame big-bro as he follows by example - The Maamus of the family - played by Tinu Anand, Paresh Rawal, Shakti Kapoor. The first slept with a woman who lost her bra; post which he's lost his sanity looking for it. The second romances girls in front of his dimwit wife who thinks she's hallucinating; the third with a hideous golden hairdo gets away because of his wife's 'blonde moments'. They share one mantra - 'To have a happily married life, cheat on your wife!'