Monday, December 7, 2015


Release date:
December 4, 2015
Vishal Pandya


Sharman Joshi, Zareen Khan, Karan Singh Grover, Daisy Shah, Priyanshu Chatterjee

In a week that has brought to Indian theatres the film Angry Indian Goddesses with every swear word uttered by its characters muted out on the orders of the Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC), there also comes Hate Story 3. Not only do people in this film use the F-word and its variants seven times (I counted) – “fucking idiot”, “who the fuck are you?”, “I’m not a fucking coward” etc – without being muted or beeped out, they simulate sex repeatedly and do a bad job of it.

Truth be told, Hate Story 3 might help you finally understand a phrase often used by religious fanatics and self-appointed guardians of “Bharatiya sanskriti”. Because the bad sex, poor production values and awful acting in the film have truly “hurt my (quality-loving) sentiments”.

The Hate Story series has featured three basic ingredients in each film: a revenge story + sex scenes set to long, very long songs + tackiness. This one is no different.

Aditya Diwan (Sharman Joshi) is a wealthy Mumbai-based industrialist married to a woman in revealing outfits called Siya (Zareen Khan, she who made her debut with Salman Khan in Veer). One day Aditya receives an indecent proposal from fellow m/billionaire Saurav Singhania (TV’s Karan Singh Grover), as he surveys the world on a laughably obvious digitally created terrace of a high-rise building. The proposal is this: I’ll give you as much money as you want if you will give me ek raat (one night) with your wife.

Imagine going downhill from Veer, a film that even Salman acknowledges was lousy. That’s Zareen’s fate in Bollywood, though it’s hard to sympathise with her as you suffer her sorry attempts at acting.

So anyway, back to the story…

A furious Aditya storms off, only to discover that Saurav is determined to destroy his business empire unless he gets that ek raat.

Siya, genius that she is, points out that there has to be more to Saurav’s demand than meets the eye, and we can’t help but agree since she is so dull, dull, dull that it’s impossible to believe a hottie like Saurav would go to such lengths to get her into bed, even though she is in possession of goraapan, that milky white skin that Indian men so desire.  

For the record, Saurav’s hotness is limited to his prettiness and the ripped muscles of his torso. The muscles on his face are a different cup of weak tea altogether – they seem incapable of motion.

In this race for the year’s Worst Actor trophy, there enters another strong contender: Daisy Shah, she who made her Bollywood debut opposite Salman Khan (good lord, where does he find ’em?) in last year’s Jai Ho. Daisy plays the large and buxom Kaya Sharma, loyal lieutenant to Aditya. Kaya is the kind of female Indian corporate bigwig you find only in commercial cinema: prone to wearing very very tight skirts to office meetings and microscopically tiny outfits to business meetings, with layers and layers of thick makeup on her face.

Aditya, Sia and Kaya hatch a plot to discover Saurav’s motivations, which the director then weaves around the film’s bad sex scenes.

It’s better to watch pornography than such theatrical fake sex featuring actresses in leopard-spotted lingerie, who sing while wrapping their long legs around their male partners or mount the man’s crotch and appear to be orgasming but never seem to take off their bras (because that – i.e. bra removal – is unacceptable to our CBFC).

In the midst of all this stands that oasis called Sharman Joshi, proof of how tough this film industry can be even if you are sweet-looking, likeable and a good actor. Sharman, perhaps you owe us nothing, but the next time you are considering a film like this one, do spare a thought for those of us who still believe in you? Please?

Hate Story 1 at least did its sex better, even if its weak leading lady did not possess the panache required for the bombastic lines given to her. Hate Story 2 at least had some interesting moments involving actor Sushant Singh as the villain and a believable, rebellious twist in the end involving an important female character.

Both were terrible films but at least they were not absolute zeroes. Hate Story 3 adds up to zilch.

If there is anything I’ve said so far that might for a moment suggest that this film has ANY redeeming factors, let me say it loud and clear here: it does not.

Unless of course you want to have some laughs at songs with lyrics that go thus:

Give me give me give me love and give me more
Thoda sa mujhse love le bhi aao
My lover gave you dounce and I feelin’ low
Again and again and again

What’s danger, what danger, what danger
Take me down, down, down, down
What danger, what danger, what danger
Take me down, down, down, down

Take me down, down, down, down
Take me down, down, down, down

Aaj dikhade mujhe love karke
Oh baby, baahon mein bharke
Oh, jo bhi socha sapnon mein
Woh aaj dikhade mujhe sab karke (to be sung twice).

I rewatched the video of this song, Tu isaq mera, online because I thought perhaps I had misheard the lyrics in the hall. I then visited and found that they had heard pretty much what I did.

I’m not sure what “dounce” means, but “this filmmaker gave us dounce and I feelin’ low” kind of sounds like an apt description of my emotions towards this film.

Rating (out of five): 0 stars

CBFC Rating (India):
Running time:
132 minutes

This review has also been published on firstpost:

1 comment:

  1. The irony of our society is such films go and do tremendous business at the box office.

    Ankit Nahar