November 4, 2011
Govinda, Suneil Shetty, Jaaved Jaaferi, Mahaakshay Chakraborty, Prem Chopra, Dalip Tahil, Ravi Kissen, Mahesh Manjrekar, Mika, Kim Sharma
To fully fathom the bankruptcy of thought & the surfeit of cash in Bollywood these days, watch Loot! The film is about four crooks – Pandit (Govinda), Builder (Suneil Shetty), Akbar (Jaaved Jaaferi) and Wilson (Mahaakshay Chakraborty) – who are sent off to Pattaya to rob a house filled with valuables, but discover when they get there that they are in the home of the dreaded gangster Lala (Mahesh Manjrekar) who, as it turns out, is out to kill the don of Pattaya (Prem Chopra) and is being investigated by an unscrupulous cop (Ravi Kissen) who intends to use the evidence to blackmail Lala. That’s it – the story does not deserve more than one sentence!
Nor does this film deserve a cogent review. But I do have some questions for the team of Loot:
1. Why did anyone bother to make this film?
2. Why is Govinda (the only bright spark in this film) ruining our happy memories of the high points of his career by acting in such utter rubbish? If the industry no longer offers you halfway decent films, isn’t it better to retire or bide your time till something better comes along?
3. Why did this talented actor destroy his own career with his tardiness, his weight gain and what we’re told was extreme unprofessional behaviour although he’s said to be a nice guy? Will we ever again get to see Govinda – one of the funniest guys Hindi filmdom has ever known – in a worthwhile film?
4. Why doesn’t the industry have better films for Jaaved Jaaferi who too can be funny given a good, well-written role?
5. Does Suneil Shetty still think he can act?
6. Does The Artist Formerly Known As Mimoh believe that a change of name to Mahaakshay is more important than voice training?
7. Could someone tell the writer of this film to forget asinine language stereotypes of the sort that assume that Hindus say dhanyavad, Muslims say shukriya and Christians say thank you?
8. Could the director please tell me why his quartet of goons crawled down the railings of a multi-storeyed building’s fire escape instead of running down the steps during one scene?
9. Has anyone on the team of Loot heard of not-so-minor issues such as continuity? Wasn’t any production assistant monitoring the shooting of that scene in which Ravi Kissen is shown wearing one earring but in close-ups that were clearly shot later, he’s wearing two earrings and his hair is shorter?
10. Was there some significance to the scenes involving a doddering old man in a restaurant? Is old age meant to be funny?
11. (This one’s for the reader) Do you know Kim Sharma still acts in films?
12. Rakhi Sawant features in an item song right at the end. Why is her face frozen stiff?
13. And (apologies for repeating myself but I can’t help it) why did anyone bother to make this film?
Rating (out of five): 1/2 star (only for Govinda)
CBFC Rating: U/A with cuts (The Censor Board banned Mika’s song Mere iss pe and got the words “choos le” beeped out from Rakhi Sawant’s item number Bank loot le)
Running time: 120 Minutes
Photograph courtesy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loot_(2011_film)